The wrong time to lecture

As an Occupational Therapist, I understand the challenges that come with parenting a neurodivergent child, especially during moments of overwhelm and meltdown. These moments can trigger a cascade of emotions and reactions within both you and your child, making communication seem like an uphill battle. In these intense moments, it's crucial to recognise that traditional methods of communication may not yield the desired results. Instead, it's essential to adopt a nurturing approach that fosters understanding and co-regulation.

When your child is experiencing a meltdown, it's natural for your own nervous system to become dysregulated. You might feel an overwhelming urge to lecture or talk excessively in an attempt to regain control of the situation. However, it's vital to recognise that the higher-level brain functions responsible for processing language may be temporarily switched off as both you and your child are stuck in a fight or flight response.

Here are five top tips on how to effectively communicate with your child during meltdowns to achieve co-regulation:

1. **Stay Calm and Grounded**: Your child takes cues from your behaviour. When you remain calm and grounded, it helps create a sense of safety and security for them. Take deep breaths, use grounding techniques like feeling the sensation of your feet on the ground, and remind yourself that this moment will pass.

2. **Use Simple Language and Short Sentences**: During meltdowns, your child's ability to process complex language may be compromised. Instead, use simple and concise language to convey your messages. Avoid lengthy explanations or lectures, as they may only serve to overwhelm your child further.

3. **Validate Their Feelings**: Acknowledge and validate your child's feelings without judgement. Let them know that it's okay to feel overwhelmed and that you're there to support them. Use phrases like, "I can see that you're feeling upset," or "It's okay to feel this way."

4. **Offer Choices and Empowerment**: Provide your child with choices to help them regain a sense of control. Offer options that are manageable and within their comfort zone. For example, you could say, "Would you like a hug or some space right now?" This empowers your child and promotes autonomy.

5. **Provide Sensory Support**: Neurodivergent children often have sensory sensitivities that can contribute to meltdowns. Offer sensory support such as a weighted blanket, fidget toys, or a quiet space where they can retreat and regulate their emotions.

Remember, effective communication during meltdowns is not about trying to control your child's behaviour but rather about fostering connection and understanding. By staying calm, using simple language, validating their feelings, offering choices, and providing sensory support, you can help your child navigate moments of overwhelm with greater ease.

For more information on how to support regulation check out the 'Regulation Starts with you' self-paced course launching this May. 

You're not alone on this journey. Reach out for support when you need it, and remember to practice self-care to replenish your own reserves.

Kate xx