The nervous system is a highway: Understanding though a Polyvagal lens

Understanding the Polyvagal Theory: A Simple Guide for Parents of Children with Additional Needs

As a parent of a child with additional needs, you may have come across the term "polyvagal theory" in your search for ways to support your child's emotional and behavioral challenges. While the theory may sound complex and intimidating, it's actually a helpful framework for understanding how the nervous system and emotions are interconnected. In this blog, we'll explain the polyvagal theory in simple, basic terminology, using light-hearted language that's easy to understand.

First of all, let's start with the basics. The nervous system is like a superhighway that runs throughout your body, connecting your brain to your muscles, organs, and senses. It helps you respond to different situations, like when you're scared or excited. The nervous system is divided into three parts: the sympathetic nervous system, the parasympathetic nervous system, and the social engagement system.

The sympathetic nervous system is like the gas pedal in a car. It gets you revved up and ready to take action when you're faced with a threat, like a lion chasing you. This is sometimes called the "fight or flight" response. When your sympathetic nervous system is activated, you might feel your heart racing, your muscles tensing up, and your breath becoming shallow and rapid.

The parasympathetic nervous system is like the brakes in a car. It helps you slow down and relax when the threat is gone, so you can rest and recover. This is sometimes called the "rest and digest" response. When your parasympathetic nervous system is activated, you might feel calm and peaceful, with slow and deep breaths.

The social engagement system is like the steering wheel in a car. It helps you connect with other people, read their emotions, and respond appropriately. This is sometimes called the "tend and befriend" response. When your social engagement system is activated, you might feel friendly, open, and interested in others.

So where does the polyvagal theory come in? Well, according to the theory, the nervous system has evolved over millions of years to respond to different levels of threat. When you're faced with a mild threat, like a challenging puzzle or a new social situation, your social engagement system is activated. This helps you feel safe and connected, so you can learn and grow.

When the threat becomes more intense, like a loud noise or a physical danger, your sympathetic nervous system takes over. This helps you fight or flee from the threat, so you can survive.

But when the threat is overwhelming and life-threatening, your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in. This is sometimes called the "freeze" response. It helps you shut down and disconnect from the situation, so you can protect yourself from harm.

Now, here's where things get interesting. Children with additional needs, like autism or ADHD, may have a nervous system that's more sensitive or reactive than typical children. This means they may go into "fight or flight" mode more easily, or they may have a harder time shifting out of this mode and into "rest and digest" or "tend and befriend" mode. They may also be more prone to the "freeze" response, which can make it hard for them to engage with the world around them.

So what can you do as a parent to support your child's nervous system and emotions? The first step is to become aware of your own nervous system and how it responds to stress. When you're calm and regulated, you can help your child feel calm and regulated too. You can also learn techniques to help your child shift out of "