How to achiebe mutual regulation in your home this Christmas

The festive season is magical, but it can also be overwhelming – particularly for families navigating sensory processing differences. With all the lights, sounds, smells, and unpredictable changes to routine, it’s easy for both parents and children to feel dysregulated. This is where the power of mutual regulation comes in.

Mutual regulation is the beautiful process of attuning to each other’s nervous systems, offering calm and connection in moments of dysregulation. By tuning into interoception – our ability to sense internal body signals like hunger, thirst, or emotional overwhelm – we can better navigate these heightened moments together.

What Is Interoception, and Why Does It Matter?

Interoception is often called our “eighth sense.” It helps us notice and interpret what’s happening inside our bodies. Is your child feeling anxious because their heart is racing? Are you feeling irritable because your body is screaming for rest? When we recognize these signals in ourselves and others, we’re better equipped to respond rather than react.

Over Christmas, interoception becomes particularly important as:

• Routines change: Meal times, sleep schedules, and sensory environments may be unpredictable.
• Excitement and overwhelm collide: Joyful anticipation can quickly tip into overload.
• Parents juggle multiple roles: Hosting, cooking, gift-giving, and parenting can strain emotional bandwidth.

Mutual Regulation Tips for Parent-Child Connection

1️⃣ Model Your Own Regulation
Children often mirror our emotional states. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, pause and narrate your process:

• “My body feels tight because I’m worried about getting everything ready. I’m going to take a big breath and let it go.”
  This shows your child how to use interoceptive cues to self-regulate.

2️⃣ Create Sensory Breaks
Incorporate sensory-friendly pauses into your day. These can include:

• A quiet space with dim lighting for decompression.
• Weighted blankets or calming sensory tools like fidget toys.
• Simple, grounding activities like drawing or listening to soft music.

3️⃣ Adjust the Environment
Sometimes, it’s the environment that needs regulation. Notice what’s causing sensory overwhelm and adapt:

• Lower the volume of music or turn off flashing lights.
• Offer noise-canceling headphones or a comforting scent like lavender.
• Give your child control over small choices, like which chair to sit in or when to open gifts.

Mutual Regulation Tips for Parent-to-Parent Connection

Mutual regulation isn’t just for parent and child – it’s vital between co-parents, too. Holidays can strain even the strongest partnerships, so supporting each other is key.

1️⃣ Use Clear Communication
When things get hectic, talk about your needs and emotions without judgment:

• “I feel like I’m carrying a lot today. Can we swap roles for a while so I can rest?”
  Sharing your interoceptive signals helps your partner understand what you need.

2️⃣ Tag-Team Sensory Support
If one parent is feeling dysregulated, let the other take the lead with the children. Agree beforehand on a signal (e.g., a hand squeeze) to indicate when someone needs a break.

3️⃣ Make Time for Connection
Even in the busiest moments, take 5–10 minutes to reconnect as partners:

• Sit together with a cup of tea, even if it’s in silence.
• Take a walk while the kids play.
• Share one thing you appreciated about each other that day.

The Power of Mutual Regulation

The goal of mutual regulation is not to avoid big feelings but to navigate them together with compassion and presence. Whether it’s taking a deep breath alongside your child or holding space for your partner, these small moments of connection can transform the holiday experience for everyone.

This Christmas, let’s give each other the greatest gift of all: the understanding that we’re in this together, attuning to each other’s needs, and building bridges to calmer, more connected moments.

Check out our new Living Connected Parent-Child Connection Journal available now on Amazon click here to check it out!

Kate xx